Forgiven
by Lazuli
Summary: Kakashi thinks about the past and what it means to him now. Kakashi Gaiden spoilers.


Forgiven

By: Lazuli

Warnings: There are spoilers for Kakashi Gaiden. Don't complain if you get spoiled because of something I say in here. XD Otherwise, enjoy.

Standard disclaimer: Naruto I do not own. Thank you.

When he was younger, he always thought about rules. The mission was important, being on time and paying attention to what was laid out before you. Nothing could get in the way of what needed to be done. Not even your own teammates. If one of them got captured—then they weren't strong enough. If they died in the line of duty, then they were heroes.

He pushed hard, studied hard—trained hard to make it through the ranks. Children his age were barely starting the Academy when already graduated. Students who slacked off and didn't study and treated their jobs like a _game._ He had no patience for people like that.

So when he was put on a team with Konoha's Yellow Flash, he felt it was nothing more than what he deserved. Not that he didn't admire his teacher—he respected him highly and strived to earn the respect in return. Respect _was_ earned, there was no free rides, no short cuts to success. What he didn't expect was who had had _on_ his team….

Uchiha Obito wasn't a problem—or so he thought. He could become useful in the future, if the legendary Sharingan eye ever developed, and Rin was talented enough in chakra control—adequate enough to be a medic nin. But they were slow and simple—they cared about other things but the overall objective of the mission—

Obito was always late, always had dumb excuses. Rin was serious enough, but sometimes she faltered and acted like the silly girls that weren't ninjas—he caught her fluffing her hair out or checking her appearance at times. _Useless. _It wouldn't matter soon enough, because he knew he would be a jounin soon—he wouldn't have to be on a team with people like this—he would surpass all of them, show people what a real ninja was supposed to be like.

Then Rin got captured and Obito died trying to save her. Kakashi lost what he saw now as his best friend—maybe his only friend, the only one that would deal with his high handed attitudes, the way he looked down on everyone else. He couldn't look Rin in the eye anymore, because every time he did, he was sure that she saw Obito and not him. He would always carry Obito's legacy with him, not just the Sharingan, but Obito's way of life.

He was never on another team again—he never wanted to be the leader of a team again—because he was Obito and Rin's leader and he failed them—his teacher was moving past him and into the spot of the Hokage. The youngest to ever hold the position—one that had so many tricks up his sleeves and was strong and _was_ everything that Obito said a ninja should be.

He left, too—sacrificing himself to save what he cared for most—offering up what he held most precious and saving the lives of everyone around him with his gift. No one understood and everyone hated and it frustrated Kakashi so much as the person that his teacher was got lost in the legend he later became. Heroes were stupid, the dreams were for kids. The only thing happened when someone became a hero was that they left people behind.

Even after he joined and left ANBU, his attitude tended to be a mix of him and Obito—he visited the memorial stone every day, apologizing for his mistake. The Sandaime pressured him into taking a team again—and with every new class, with every group that he was to accept—he failed them all, knowing that Obito wouldn't approve of the way they moved away from each other, never helping one another out. Sometimes he listened to Obito more than himself, as if his friend was still there, as if he really was a part of him.

He saw the blond boy—the one with the spiky yellow hair reminiscent of someone he knew before, bright blue eyes that hid pain and suffering—the marks of the kyuubi on his cheeks. Goggles like Obito wore… He was hit all over again with the realization of what he lost and he prayed that this boy would never graduate from the Academy, that he would give up and try living a normal life. He didn't want to see the reminder of his past again.

But Uzumaki Naruto was put on his team, and under his care and Uchiha Sasuke was there as well as a girl that reminded him too much of Rin. His past stared him in the face… only the spiky haired one was cheerful and the Uchiha was silent. There was a rift there but at the same time—he knew that they would become best friends. He knew they would lose each other. The past was repeating itself again and he didn't know how to stop it.

He almost lost them—and the self recrimination for being so careless, so weak—he wanted to cry, but he couldn't cry—it wasn't right for him to cry and it wasn't fair and he wasn't sure what to do.

The worst was trying to heal the wounds of the past with Obito, using Sasuke as a buffer for it. He knew the power that twisted the Uchiha—he knew of what it could do to him and tried to keep him close. But even that was overturned and used against the people that cared for him. He failed again—and he didn't know if he would get a third chance.

He reminded himself that Naruto wasn't lost, and neither was Sakura—both of them were strong and determined and willing to drag Sasuke back. Kakashi went with them—partly so he wouldn't lose again what had become so precious to him. He finally understood now why his teacher died for the village, why Obito died for him—why so many became heroes for the ones they loved.

Naruto was quickly turning into something he remembered from before, memories swirling more thickly around him. Jiraiya was his teacher's teacher—Naruto became his student in turn. Naruto learned rasengan and kage bunshin and could ever summon Gamanbunta. Sometimes he didn't see Naruto but someone else with the same bright smile, the same unruly blonde hair—someone with the same devotion to protecting all those that he cared about.

He wasn't going to lose this one either. Neither he or Sasuke would be taken away—and these two friends would have a chance to grow older and closer together—these two would make up for the past and Obito and him and everything in between.

He only hoped that it wasn't too late to be forgiven.


End file.
